____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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