Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
