tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
