so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
