so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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