There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
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Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
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I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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