Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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