Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
