kristin has been a bad kristin
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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