not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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