You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
