i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
