called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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