I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
