Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
