Your face is a jimmy john
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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