i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
