I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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