Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
