I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
