im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
