Me too!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
