I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
