All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I smell like Dick and happiness
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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