that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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