I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
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I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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