Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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