YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
