I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
