last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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