I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
