You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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