so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
only you would photoshop your dick
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
