I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
