So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
