12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
