upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
