Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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