I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
