I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you would pick up someone in the library
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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