She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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