3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
