im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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