I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
