Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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