perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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