i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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