Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
