did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
