My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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