I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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