If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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