Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
