Cold hands, warm shart.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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