The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
