A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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