the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
