just come out here and I will go home with you...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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