The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We need to get me chipped asap
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
