You just made me feel so damn special
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
