I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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