his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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