Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
