well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
