I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
