I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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