And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
